they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
just found out that she named her cat after me.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
