drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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