Your face is a jimmy john
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
