Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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