shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
