I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
