i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Pooping to opera.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
