I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
