An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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