I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
