How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
