Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
