That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
