FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
