so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
