I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
