Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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