No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
