She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
is that a dick in a sweater?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
