I want to have your abortion
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
