Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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