epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
