did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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