some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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