I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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