so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
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