What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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