Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
So much rum. So many feels.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
