I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
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