i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
