He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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