3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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