apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
