I wish my penis had an off switch
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
