The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
