i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
