Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
