He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
