I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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