its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
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