The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
