I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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