did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
