I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Randomize
