I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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