He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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