everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
