Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
This house was built for laser tag.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Bang-toberfest begins!!
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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