Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
