There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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