we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
