I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
